I attended a talk presented by two women from the Women's Refuge, and I found some of the statistics they presented to be alarming! Here we are in little old NZ and we are one of the worst countries for domestic violence.
Now I'm no expert on the subject, but I have seen my share of life and thought it would be a good idea to toss around some thoughts on the subject.
The two women delivering the talk certainly knew their stuff and have had a lot of experience in Women's Refuge and I have no doubt that they have helped many women through high stress situation - and I applaud them.
In NZ we have in place 'anti smacking [of children] legislation' which has been an attempt to protect children from family violence. However at the back of my mind, I believe that taking that 'disciplinary tool' away from parents leaves a void so the defining of boundaries for parents is made a little more difficult.
In the talk, the women told us that violence in the home was a 'learned practice'. If a parent is violent toward a child, then that child will have violent tendencies to it's off spring.
They certainly have the data to back that statement, and while I have no disagreement with what they said, I don't think that is the full story.
In distant history, something happened to cause humankind to rise up and become different to the other animals on this planted. The process can be defined in religious, scientific or mystical terms, depending on personal belief, but in the end we are among the animal population of this planet and Charles Darwin's theory of 'survival of the fittest' fits human beings as much as any other living thing.
Violence is, if you like, our heritage. Like other animals, prehistoric man fought and killed for food and to procreate! The through history the fight to 'reach the top' has known no bounds - ether personally or nationally. Wars of the past were indeed butchery, unlike the conventions of war today, but the end has been the same - it leaves people dead or maimed!
There are certain things that places humans above animals : love, compassion, conscience, logic, generosity - also the antithesis of those qualities.
So how did things happen as they have? The Colosseum in Rome where people who were threats to the government were executed for the pleasure of the citizens - and the gladiators. Genocide through the ages. Crusades. Slavery. The Inquisition. Wars.
Just a few words, but violence on a huge scale and a distinct lack of love, compassion, conscience. logic or generosity.
Inventors and scientists have worked out how to kill more efficiently and on a larger scale. For example, what is the mind set of the person who invented the machine gun? Then what is the mind set person behind the machine-gun as he sees his fellow man being mown down?
A lot of killing has been done in the name of religion - maybe religion is not the problem, but the people therein.
Lord Acton's truism, that all power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely is exemplified in in Paul I Wellman's book, Glory, God and Gold when he was discussing religious intolerance of Catholic Spain, but it is true for any religious intolerance. Both the Roman and Protestant hierarchies were governed by the same principle of jurisdiction - the criminality of heresies. Whoever believed wrongly - that is otherwise than the Holy Office of the Catholics, or, say,the Venerable Consistory of the Calvinists - believed nothing. And he who believed nothing thereby committed the crime of treason to God and deserved capital punishment. Persecution hence became a sacred duty, an act agreeable to God, and the greater the intolerance, the greater the value.
The Women's Refuge representatives told us there was no excuse for violence and that included alcohol and drugs. I thought about that, and at first disagreed, but it is terminology. I have seen that men - no, not only men - become more aggressive when stimulated by alcohol.
But they are right - it is not an excuse. But it is a reason!
There are few among us that are totally nonviolent. The most placid and mild-mannered person I knew was my mother, but she liked it when the movie or television baddie got his just deserts!
The big hits in sport are applauded and the crowd bullies those they do not like.
All this is entertainment - like in the Colosseum - but it is still violence.
Huge numbers of young people are in control of the trigger (or other weapons) in their electronic games - many of these are graphic.
But violence is not just the physical stuff. As walked down the street recently, behind me were on older couple. For some reason the woman wanted to go to some shops, in a different area of town. The man obviously did not so he was loudly protesting and being aggressive.
The man's mouthing off would have embarrassed his wife into silence and acquiescence he used the tool to get his own way, so to him it was effective. Did I do anything? No, a verbal confrontation on the street would have embarrassed the woman further and I could not see the man to judge if he was prone to physical violence.
So what do we do about violence? I wish I had a workable solution, but it is a tough nut to crack.
Some things will not happen :
Censorship.There will be violence in the movies, on television, on computers and in books. Now it is often claimed that such things have little effect. Well, it was pointed out by those two women that violence is learned behavior. Anyway there are many who believe violence in the medial has a minimal effect.
Curbs on alcohol & drugs. In the real world the acquisition of these things is easy.
Laws are in place and the police are to be commended for what they do. Times are tough for them.
The prisons are full and costly - parolees very often continue to be troublesome.
The bottom line though is exactly what the two women said, 'There is no excuse for family or domestic violence.
This is a flat statement, and entirely correct.
Despite all the long history of violence above, today there is no excuse. I guess we have to make a distinction, because there is and will remain aggression and an element of violence in sport, so lets say there is legal and illegal violence.
So we accept there is no excuse for family or domestic violence and while the two women conceded that women do commit the crime, the majority is that women and children are victims of violence committed by men.
The tough question is, 'what do we do to prevent/stop family/domestic violence?'
I am no expert in the field and I have no panacea. My first suggestion is to utilize the same tool that 'Quit Smoking' use - it is not a cool activity.
Encourage peers to speak up and denounce violence.
Teach the principle of action/reaction. At the first outburst, an aggressor can be calmed by an approach of non aggressive reply. The technique needs to be learned.
Help by Women's Refuge is very good, but a hotline number needs to be more public and available.
People seem not to want the police to be involved. It should be advertised that the police are very helpful - and life saving - and can be trusted.
We all need to watch out for each other.
It seems that an aggressor will hit back if a wife/partner complains to the police or Women's Refuge. Perhaps the perceived blame (on the wife/partner) would be less obvious if the appropriate numbers were displayed by way of a mail drop - pamphlet or fridge magnet.
I understand that there is soon to be an appeal for Women's Refuge funding - it is good to support them.
Inventors and scientists have worked out how to kill more efficiently and on a larger scale. For example, what is the mind set of the person who invented the machine gun? Then what is the mind set person behind the machine-gun as he sees his fellow man being mown down?
A lot of killing has been done in the name of religion - maybe religion is not the problem, but the people therein.
Lord Acton's truism, that all power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely is exemplified in in Paul I Wellman's book, Glory, God and Gold when he was discussing religious intolerance of Catholic Spain, but it is true for any religious intolerance. Both the Roman and Protestant hierarchies were governed by the same principle of jurisdiction - the criminality of heresies. Whoever believed wrongly - that is otherwise than the Holy Office of the Catholics, or, say,the Venerable Consistory of the Calvinists - believed nothing. And he who believed nothing thereby committed the crime of treason to God and deserved capital punishment. Persecution hence became a sacred duty, an act agreeable to God, and the greater the intolerance, the greater the value.
The Women's Refuge representatives told us there was no excuse for violence and that included alcohol and drugs. I thought about that, and at first disagreed, but it is terminology. I have seen that men - no, not only men - become more aggressive when stimulated by alcohol.
But they are right - it is not an excuse. But it is a reason!
There are few among us that are totally nonviolent. The most placid and mild-mannered person I knew was my mother, but she liked it when the movie or television baddie got his just deserts!
The big hits in sport are applauded and the crowd bullies those they do not like.
All this is entertainment - like in the Colosseum - but it is still violence.
Huge numbers of young people are in control of the trigger (or other weapons) in their electronic games - many of these are graphic.
But violence is not just the physical stuff. As walked down the street recently, behind me were on older couple. For some reason the woman wanted to go to some shops, in a different area of town. The man obviously did not so he was loudly protesting and being aggressive.
The man's mouthing off would have embarrassed his wife into silence and acquiescence he used the tool to get his own way, so to him it was effective. Did I do anything? No, a verbal confrontation on the street would have embarrassed the woman further and I could not see the man to judge if he was prone to physical violence.
So what do we do about violence? I wish I had a workable solution, but it is a tough nut to crack.
Some things will not happen :
Censorship.There will be violence in the movies, on television, on computers and in books. Now it is often claimed that such things have little effect. Well, it was pointed out by those two women that violence is learned behavior. Anyway there are many who believe violence in the medial has a minimal effect.
Curbs on alcohol & drugs. In the real world the acquisition of these things is easy.
Laws are in place and the police are to be commended for what they do. Times are tough for them.
The prisons are full and costly - parolees very often continue to be troublesome.
The bottom line though is exactly what the two women said, 'There is no excuse for family or domestic violence.
This is a flat statement, and entirely correct.
Despite all the long history of violence above, today there is no excuse. I guess we have to make a distinction, because there is and will remain aggression and an element of violence in sport, so lets say there is legal and illegal violence.
So we accept there is no excuse for family or domestic violence and while the two women conceded that women do commit the crime, the majority is that women and children are victims of violence committed by men.
The tough question is, 'what do we do to prevent/stop family/domestic violence?'
I am no expert in the field and I have no panacea. My first suggestion is to utilize the same tool that 'Quit Smoking' use - it is not a cool activity.
Encourage peers to speak up and denounce violence.
Teach the principle of action/reaction. At the first outburst, an aggressor can be calmed by an approach of non aggressive reply. The technique needs to be learned.
Help by Women's Refuge is very good, but a hotline number needs to be more public and available.
People seem not to want the police to be involved. It should be advertised that the police are very helpful - and life saving - and can be trusted.
We all need to watch out for each other.
It seems that an aggressor will hit back if a wife/partner complains to the police or Women's Refuge. Perhaps the perceived blame (on the wife/partner) would be less obvious if the appropriate numbers were displayed by way of a mail drop - pamphlet or fridge magnet.
I understand that there is soon to be an appeal for Women's Refuge funding - it is good to support them.
